Non-political viewing pleasure

My enormous readership has spoken and requested a non-political entry. (ahem - Julie - ahem.) I am going very old-school to accommodate the requests....

JB and I make a Christmas video for our Premiere Speakers Bureau Christmas Party each year. We try to offend everyone in the office as much as possible. Our genius is greatly limited by our budget (ours), writing (ours), acting (ours), directing (ours) and catering (whatever is in the office fridge.)

You likely do not know any of the people parodied in the video, but, at minimum, you can watch me and JB make fools of ourselves. This is the 2006 video.


PART 1


Part 2

(Thanks again to Jenn and Jackie for their wasted time in 2006. Jamie, our staff devotions guy, is actually the founder and pastor of a church in Franklin. You should go to his church and contribute great sums of money in their new-age, non-traditional offering receptacles.)

Tough times....

When the economy shrinks, tough decision have to be made. This video is a grim reminder of those difficult times...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Another run today....feels good

 

Mia's Baptism

I realized tonight that I had never put Mia's baptism video up for family to watch. She is a great kiddo....

Interesting info...

1) "The FIRST thing I would do is sign the Freedom of Choice Act"
2) "When life begins is above my paygrade."
3) "If my daughter made a mistake, I would not want her PUNISHED with a baby."
-Obama

1) "When does a baby exist?" "At the moment of conception."
-McCain

The next prez is likely controlling the swing of the Supreme Court for many years to come. Remember, they are appointed for life. With one or two appointments (likely to come in the next 4-8 years,) the Sup Crt will be set for a very long time.

One small step for man....

All four of the running crew made the 3.2 miles (5k!) route today with no walking. When I run with guys 8 years slightly younger than me, I am reminded of my oldness maturity.

Run on....Matt, Brett and Mike.

That's not how they did it....

I am guessing that you are like me....tired of the prez campaigns. Campaigns are media affairs that begin earlier each cycle. This one has lasted almost 2 years. If I remember correctly, these people have gov't jobs that do require some attention, right? Or, I guess we are paying them full-time salaries to campaign for the last two years. One time, I told DW that I was leaving my job for two years to go look for a better job....no wait, I didn't do that....

The US was built by a large number of people who worked very hard to build and manage the country. More than anywhere else, it offers opportunity. The opportunity is for you to succeed to the level YOU will reach. When a candidate speaks about "redistribution of wealth", they are not talking about opportunity. They are talking about another system that failed about 20 years ago. (Look up USSR in Wikipedia.)

Here is a good clip of what Obama truly believes before his handlers started prep'ing him for a White House run. Isn't it funny that they know you cannot say these things to most Americans and get elected? Hhhhmmm, I wonder why that is?

All candidates, courtesy of polling and advisors, will say what they think you want to hear. McCain is no choir boy. But, he does have a history of working in the mainstream of American views. If you do a little digging, you will be amazed at Obama's past comments.

-Shawn

By the way, I am rockin' a great Palin 08 shirt. You need one. Go here and email Chris to buy one.

We ate lunch with Panco Villa today....

Right Said Fred....

If you saw some wacko's running around The Hill and The Station tonight dressed in costumes, you may have been caught on tape. The Morgan's party was a blast, and it was fun to dress in a costume. (It has been a LONG time since I bought a Halloween costume.)

The video scavenger hunt was a great idea. I am not sure if any laws were broken, but I am sure a few rules were bent.

Represented at the party were:
Brad and Angelina
Mickey and Minnie
Bobby and Sonja Morgan (pre-marriage)
Flava Flav and Delicious
Naked Man and Wife
Gangster and Flapper
Fred and Wilma Flinstone
Jon Travolta and Olivia Newton John (Grease)

How old do you have to be to grow up?

Ethan and I had some fun with Hot Wheels this morning....

Lunch duty....

I am the lunch parent today in Mia's kindergarten class. This will be
interesting for everyone involved..... :)

Sent from my iPhone

***********************

Update:

We had fun. Her class is the best-mannered and most polite group of K's I have ever seen. (As long as you can put straws in Capri-Sun's, that job is a breeze.)

Happy Birthday, sweet boy..

Ethan-
We love you more than you will ever know. I hope you had fun at Chuck
E. Cheese armed with your sugar high and countless tokens. You are
Daddy's little buddy, and I am proud of you.

You are funny, bright, very confident in yourself and being prepared
to take over the world. First, let's just master the cul-de-sac on
your cool, new bike. :)

Vote for funny....

And, say hello to your mother for me....

Joe the Plumber needs a press guy...

The Office (for realz)

If you watch The Office, I like your sense of humor. The awkward silence filled with only silence while everyone looks at one another hoping to die of painful silence is classic. If you want to take that funny to the next level, you must check out the original.

Ricky Gervais, a comic genius, and his long-time comedy partner Stephen Merchant created the show in 2005. It became insanely popular all over the world. Here is some info. Gervais is a familiar face in the states now and is rock star everywhere else in the world. Merchant is the silent genius that does not get in front of the cameras much. (Gervais was the star of The Office while Merchant sat behind the camera.) The first few episodes of the US version were almost word for word remakes of the British version. Somewhere along the way, they realized that Carrell was too funny to force him to recreate David Brent (the Michael Scott of the British version.) Here is the BBC schedule to check out the originals.

The guys went on to make the biggest podcast of all time. It starred the two guys and their idiot friend, Karl Pilkington. (I still do not believe that Karl is THAT dumb.) The first 12 were free, and I bought the next two seasons. It was 100% worth every penny as I probably listened to each of them 3 times in '07. If you want them, email me. I can get them to you. (The first season is not available anymore.)

Gervais and Merchant's latest project is Extras. Again, painfully awkward and embarrassing British humor that is already classic. They are somehow able to coax major stars (Patrick Stewart, the kid from Harry Potter, the girl from Titanic, the wizard from LOTR, Ben Stiller, etc) to come onto the show to make fun of themselves. It is just hilarious....

I love the fact that two random schmucks have made a large fortune by simply being clever and funny.

-shawn

Don't Vote Turtle...

An aging ranch-hand was asked about his views on the presidential race. The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle''.

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what was a 'post turtle' .

The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of bonehead put him up there to begin with'.

Rants....

I have had a lot of "you have not blogged lately" emails. Yeah....

The past week has been a bizarre one. Every day has involved lawyers, CPA's, Governors, real estate pro's, contracts, trucks, horses, doctors and, well, never mind. Craziness upon craziness...

I am sad for our country. It is an old joke in politics that politicians only have to campaign on issues that will impact in the next month. I am afraid that it is true for me and the other relatively small percentage of Americans who actually vote. Vote formula: promise to drill for oil and save our finances with another new and improved tax plan. Sorry, guys. I stopped believing you a long time ago.

Remember when Bush promised to "go to the WH and change politics"? He was going to take a no-nonsense approach to DC and tell those Washington fat-cats that their days were over. He was going to end pork barrel spending (ie: pay-offs for votes) and send professional politicians packing. Uhm, yeah....he increased spending more than any prez in history. 9/11? Nu-uh, that increase is WITHOUT defense spending included. When someone calls themselves a "conservative", they need to google the word.

If you are socially liberal, we disagree on many things. If you support gay marriage, abortion, US succumbing to the UN, etc...we disagree on almost everything. Unfortunately, I think that the party that once aligned with my views has done more to make me and its supporters apathetic than you will ever do to win a vote.

Oliver Stone, I am confident that your stupid movie will be seen by almost no one. If you were genius as listed, you would have made a movie about The Wiggles and made one billion dollars. Instead, your movie will be a flop, and your company will claim that you don't care while you whine to Page Six.

Here's a movie idea: make a movie about a middle-class person who works and pays taxes to boneheads who run his gov't into the ground. Make a movie about that person and his frustration with EVERYONE in gov't no matter the little letter next to their name. I would pay to see that movie.

PS - Bush, you seem like a cool dude. I bet you are a blast over a weekend at the lake. You wanna hang sometime?

What do we do while Mia and Mommy are at ballet?

THE HOKIE POKIE !!!

My email to Sarah Palin....

You probably saw that Palin's personal Yahoo email account was recently hacked. If you looked closely, you saw her email to me asking, "Hey, Shawn. What's shakin, bacon? How do you think I did during the debate? Also, do you like sushi?"

My response:

From: Shawn Hanks
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 6:37 AM
To: 'Sarah Palin'
Subject: RE: What up, fool?

Gov-
What up!?! I have been crazy busy lately. Sorry it is taking me a while to get back to you. I did watch the debate last night. When you emailed the other day that you were in a race, I thought you meant a 5k. You are running for VP...congrats. That's cool!

You did a good job last night. I have to admit that I watched it while eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's so I was probably affected by my sugar high. Either way, I liked it. Also, I recorded the deal and watched it delayed so I could fast forward in case you looked like a deer in headlights. For the most part, you did not. Do you know you talk funny? I am from TX and live in TN so I probably should not comment on people's accents.

Is it just me or does Biden always seem like he is at a cocktail party? He totally should have been holding a martini the entire time. And, maybe one of those long, skinny cigarettes they smoked in the 70's. Also, did he hit on you after the show? He seems like that kind of guy. He is extra super smart though. He seems like a really cool hang. Do you have his email address?

Another question....do politicians get a dollar for every time they say "the American people"? You guys all start each sentence with that phrase. "The American people want change. The American people are speaking. The American people...blah, blah, blah." You talk about Main Street a lot. I live on Underhill Court. Can you give my street a shot-out sometime?

Hey, why didn't you call Biden a slimeball? He is crazy liberal. I guess you can't say slimeball on tv, huh? Maybe you could say nutjob. Try "the American people on Main Street think you are a nutjob." I bet that would work.

Anyway, I do like sushi. H and I had some the other night. Two weekends in a row. I like to have almost too much wasabi in my soy sauce. You know what I mean....it burns for a second but tastes great? Yeah, it is really good. (I also like Ben & Jerry's ice cream. But, I think I already mentioned that part.) BTW, thank all the eskimo's for catching all those fish. Sushi is great.

Hey, keep in touch. Are you on Facebook? Good luck with the race. I think you are just barely qualified to be VP, but, to be honest, it does not really matter. You will have 403 assistants and 382 policy advisors. People are just being dumb if they think politicians really know all that junk they read off of tele-prompters. They are just ticked that McCain (is that his name?) picked a pro-life, mommy, gun owner for VP. It makes the other side's job a lot harder.

Keep rockin' that librarian look. It works for you. Let me know if you are rollin through the Station anytime soon. H just made an incredible buffalo chicken pizza that is awesome. I know she would make it again if we said please.

See ya,
Shawn