Santa is messy

Over the past week, I have been an excellent father. I was the get-on-the-floor-with-blocks, take-the-kids-to-a-historic-village type of good Dad. Seriously, I was the kind of Dad that makes you glad to be an American. If you had seen me and my patience, you would have fallen to your knees to thank God that fathers like me still exist in this world. You would have mentioned to a friend that fathers like me give you hope that there is still good in the world and things may just be alright with a dad like me at the helm.

We had a blast in TX, and the kids made some great memories. Grandparents spent quality time, we drove to see great-grandmother and Norman Rockwell stopped by to get some ideas for upcoming portraits. (I also ate 37 pounds of food.) Mail delivery will be sporadic this week due to the holidays so my presidential commendation will probably not arrive until next week. Be not afraid: I will post it when it arrives.

Santa and the family visited in a big way. The van that was well-packed on the trip to TX was jammed full on the way home. To be honest, two doors on the van could not be opened without a "situation" developing in the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel. We arrived home last night at approximately 9 PM (yes, I know. We did make it faster than you expected. See, I told you I was an awesome Dad!) I completely unloaded the van into the living room with the assistance of six little hands.

Santa is a bum and did not come to our house this morning to help clean up. It looks like a Toys R Us exploded in our living room. After two hours of sorting stuff, I finally have it arranged in piles to go to the respective rooms. Did I mention that my sweet offspring are also driving me nuts? Yeah, that is happening too. With each sorting, they see something new and attack the stack. (Great rhyme.) They have been overly obnoxious this morning as they need help to open the simplest of items. Ethan received FOUR remote control cars, and I have stepped on each one.

Hopefully, Prez Bush is not reading this so I won't lose my commendation that is currently in the mail. (And, hopefully, he is working on the middle east deal.)

Pappadeaux's Seafood? I believe I will....

Flight of the Conchords - Funny for Christmas

(This has nothing to do with Christmas.)

After dinner, time for presents (part one)

This is just appetizers....call the dr.

Well, that's not nice.....

Yeah for Christmas...

The drive on Sat was a good one. It is long, 745.2 miles, but the trip is not impossible. It required patience, Heather's, and many DVD's. We have spent the last few days splitting time between the grandparents houses (which is not tough since they live 3 miles apart!)

I will make a confession....I am not a huge Christmas guy. I know that sounds horrible, but I do not have any wonderfully Bing Crosby-like feelings around Christmas time. In the Hanks home, it was more of a perfunctory task with pre-selected presents. Although I am sure I did at one point, I do not remember expecting Santa to show up at the door.

Luckily, H loves the Christmas season. I am grateful that she knows what the kids will enjoy and sets the mood just right for them. My children have somewhat changed my perspective. It is fun to watch them enjoy and learn each year.

I guess I am a recovering Scrooge. My name is Shawn, and I am a Scrooge. (I did watch A Wonderful Life at some point in the past, but it has been a long time.) Maybe H is my Christmas ghost that made me see the light. (If so, I am going to ask her to take me to the future so I can pick up some lotto numbers.) I am slowly coming around...slowly....

By the way, the food here is crazy good everywhere I go, and my self-control is zero. Mexican food, barbecue, pastries, etc. I had to run today just to keep my cholesterol within testable limits.

TX....great place to be. Night, night....

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Chick Fil A in Lafayette...always hits the spot.

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Daddy finally caved....long potty break....clock loudly ticking

Ignoring repeated requests for bathroom stops.....I can't hear you....must drive on.

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Bonjour, LA....

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Tuscaloosa...not many teeth in that town.

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Birmingham.....check

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Driving to TX today...754 miles. Let the DVD's begin!

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The Dog House

I am slowly learning the rules for wife-gifts and must confess that I have broken some over the years. Here is what I know so far:

1) No gifts with a plug
2) Nothing that belongs in the kitchen
3) Cash is NOT king.
4) Nothing that implies, insinuates, reflects upon, encourages or fosters the thought that your wife needs or may one day need to lose weight.
5) Donations to the Human Fund are not acceptable.

Here are some ways that I have broken the rules over the years.

1) Gave an treadmill
2) Gave a stainless steel set of pots
3) Gave a gym membership (3 years and negotiated with the guy for an hour but still...)



*Video is courtesy of DH. Funny stuff!

Wednesday wisdom

Two things I learned today:

1) If the lady in front of you at Subway has a post-it-note, you are going to be there a while.

2) Dentist translation: "It might be a little sore." = "Don't eat today. I injected your face with the nerve toxin from Mission Impossible 3."

The world's greatest reporter!

Baghdad reporter #2: You need to get out of the house. You are moping and it is getting obnoxious.

Baghdad reporter #1: Uhm, whatever. I am watching TV. CHiPS is on...

Baghdad reporter #2: Bro, seriously. Come to this press conference with me. My boss said some American infedil government type is coming into town. I gotta snap some pics and then we can go to the mall.

Baghdad reporter #1: Yeah, whatever...OK. I will go but you are so buying my lunch.

Baghdad reporter #2: Hey, I've got $5 that says you will not throw your shoe at the infidel that shows up to this press conference. $10 if you throw both shoes.

Baghdad reporter #1: Yeah, right. Who is it?

Baghdad reporter #2: No clue. It is probably just the usual infidel Senator coming through for photo op. You in? $10 for both shoes. Same deal as in college.

Baghdad reporter #1: Hey, I am a 34 year old man. I have a job. I have a wife and kids. I carpool. Are you really offering me $10 to throw my shoes at someone at a press conference?

Baghdad reporter #2: Yep, and I will buy your lunch.

Baghdad reporter #1: Done....

Hey, Williamson County....

Dear Yuppies,
We are in a recession. Why are you ALL at the mall today (with me?)

Kids....

Ethan just got frustrated with Mia because she would not hang up the
PRETEND phone so he could call someone else. Pretend phone.....pretend
phone.

Kids are nuts....

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For the men out there....

If you love action movies, this is the press conference for you.



President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule

My Buttonhole

I think the second most cliche' phrase in the world is "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result." Every speaker/writer/person on the planet uses that phrase at some point to emphasis a thought. Unfortunately, it is probably true. (I also think insanity could be defined by one's level of interest in multi-level marketing schemes but that is left for another post.)

I am listening to a great tape series right now by Dan Miller. He tells an interesting story regarding button holes. A professor's daughter sews up some of his sweaters button holes as a trick. He realizes that his mind automatically tries to button the sweater ten or more times before it comes off auto-pilot. The story is likely made-up but presents a valid idea. Life is filled with automated task which consume more and more of our lives with each passing year. First walking, then speaking, then going to school and then sending emails. I can do all of these things without thinking or being involved. (Ask H...she'll agree.)

So, his challenge was to sew up a few button holes or things that you do by rote. I have been challenging myself in new ways over the past few weeks. I am reading different books, working in different patterns, etc. It is inconvenient but growth always is inconvenient. I guess I should not be surprised that inconvenience is inconvenient. (I think I will come up first on Google AdWords for anyone that searches for inconvenient.)

It really does challenge your brain and wake you up a bit as you sleepwalk through life. I would print up shirts that say, "Sew up your button hole", but I am pretty sure I would get arrested.

Breckenridge / Vail

I love to snow ski with one problem - I have not ski'ed in 10 years.
Luckily, it is true that it quickly comes back to you. And, I had two
friends that were very patient to bring me back up to speed.

We had a special treat yesterday (that completely wore me out.). By
coincidence, we were one of the first skiers on the back bowls at
Vail. I did not know how big of a deal this was until I talked to a
bunch of skiers later last night. It is a really big deal! (confirmed
a few minutes ago by the professional snowboarder sitting next to me
on the shuttle.)

The back bowl is a massive crater filled with snow. It has to be at
least two miles across. I tool a few spills but had to keep up with
the two much more experienced skiers. (I think the entire area is
black diamond. Ouch..)

It seems like cool things often happen to people who do not know what
they have at the time. It was certainly the case for me. I thought it
was just a huge ski bowl but turned out to be a huge deal. Either way,
I am really, really sore....

Shawn

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I have nothing left.....

This one kicked my tail...massive decline!

We took a short drive to Vail for the day. Amazing....

Headed to Breckenridge, CO for biz and ski.... :)

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For all you love birds....